Mother Nature’s kick in the Front Bottom is a monthly occurrence for most women and to those that have never experienced blood pouring out from their Cherry Pop, I can only describe it as so:
Every month, A friendly looking woman knocks at your door and smiles before high fiving you for not being pregnant (yay!) then suddenly turns into a fire-breathing demon who without warning shoves her long-fingered, lava-covered hands through you’re stomach, deep into your abdomen and squeezes your ovaries for 5-7 days, cackling and mocking you until she eventually gets bored and quite simply, fucks off… that is until next month when it happens all over again.
As the months and years pass, we women become used to our monthly visitor, we get used to her mocking us with both her early and late arrivals (because seriously, when is she ever on time!) and we actually even go as far as to finding the humour in Mother Natures thoughtful monthly gift.
So, without further a due, here are the things that only women would find hilarious about periods.
1. The women smiling and wearing white in tampon adverts are hated by every woman in the world…
Seriously! Who smiles and wears white on their period!
2. Anyone who can get away with using ‘light’ tampons is a different species
If you can… isn’t life just wonderful for you. We’ll likely see you dancing around in a white sundress with a perfectly tucked away tampon string…
3. Any man that says ‘period pain isn’t that bad’ deserves a pineapple shoved into their bellend and forced to walk around with it there for 5-7 days.
Graphic but true.
4. When on your period ‘big boobs’ become ‘oversized slabs of concrete’
The struggle is real!
5. Men will never understand the terror of peeing, wiping, seeing blood and realising you have no tampons…
Literally the worst and most terrifying experience in the world!
6. Tissue is an acceptable substitute when finding yourself in the above predicament
Don’t try and deny it, we’ve all done it!!
7. Fun fact: If you ask a man to go and buy you tampons, you will get the same reaction as asking him to shoot your cat
Seriously, try it.
8. The only answer to any question a woman asks when on her period is YES
Unless you have a death wish.
9. Whilst on her period, every woman has at some point seriously contemplated murder
Seriously, we’ve researched every murder scenario and seriously sat and considered if the time spent in prison is worth it.
10. Ugly crying whilst rewatching The Notebook followed by P.S I Love You and binge-eating chocolate and Ben & Jerry’s Icecream is a right of passage for any woman at ‘that time of the month’
No more needs to be said.
11. Bridget Jones pants are in every woman’s knicker drawer and are reserved solely for when Mother Nature decides to kick us straight in the ovaries
They may be big but their heaven sent.
We hope you enjoyed this post! Remember to like, share and subscribe to this site! And if Mother Nature happens to be reading this, fuck you! and see you next month…